You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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