I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just invented taco cereal.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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