How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
