just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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