96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
