I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
