do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
