Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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