There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
