A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
only if we run a train.
done.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
