You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
