So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
