Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Still dying that you shit outside
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
