we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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