i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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