Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
