my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
