Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
