You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
