good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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