New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
