i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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