i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
