Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
