This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
