Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
