I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
