Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
