everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
