Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
