just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
