Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
