Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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