Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
