A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
