I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
