a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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