At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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