dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
