Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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