i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
