i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
