Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
