Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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