I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
