I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
