I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
