are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
