you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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