That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
