How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
