look no pants
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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