Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
